Running from your regrets

Posted on Tue Jul 18th, 2023 @ 10:13pm by Lieutenant Haruka Amami

1,183 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: EPISODE 1: SHAKEDOWN
Location: Tokyo, Earth.
Timeline: Three days before Launch

Haruka Amami fastened her shoulder strap, ensuring it was straight and firmly pinned down. Her rank pip of full Lieutenant glistened in the twilight. The Japanese woman stood in front of the mirror and looked herself up and down. The reflection she saw she wasn't too fond of, it showed her dressed in the red Starfleet Uniforn ready to leave once again.

She sighed as she looked over at the clock by the windows of the apartment. The bright lights of Tokyo, the sprawling metropolis cast long shadows off every object in the room. She found herself drawn to them like a moth to a flame, or in this case the bright city lights.

It was nearly 22:00 Haruka would be catching the transport to San Francisco in just under an hour. The flight would be short over the Pacific ocean, taking her only a couple of hours, arriving at 08:30 in the morning, just enough time to report to Starfleet Headquarters for assignment at nine.

She turned away from the bright lights of her home town and headed towards the door leading out of the apartment. She stopped for a brief moment, staring at the an adjacent door that led to the bedrooms. She shook her head and reached out to turn the door handle to leave.

"Not going to say goodbye?" A voice said from behind her I'm the shadows. Haruka froze. "Again?"

Slowly the Starfleet Engineer turned around. Only a few feet from her stood another woman. She had similar brown hair and matching eyes. Haruka sighed. "I didn't think anyone was awake mother."

"Hmm..." Haruka's mother pondered. Yuki Amami was much wiser than her years would suggest. "So, you're trying to tell me that I would be fast asleep whilst my only daughter heads off back to space?"

"Well... yeah I guess..."

That was the wrong answer. Haruka knew this the moment her mother's hand struck her hard across the face. She flinched, placing her left hand over where her mother had struck her. It was then that she noticed the tears in the corners of her mother's eyes, they glistened like little diamonds.

A moment to of silence fell upon the apartment. Yuki approached her daughter and cupped her cheeks with both hands, a few seconds later pulling the younger woman into an embrace. "You're running from your regrets again aren't you? That's why you chose to go back?"

Haruka looked down at the floor, before looking back at the door leading to the bedrooms. 'Am I running away from her? Do I regret it? Do I?'. She couldn't come to a conclusion on the matter. She didn't answer her mother, just continued to look at the floor. A burning feeling started to build up in her lower stomach, its dull pain felt uncomfortable.

The feeling of guilt always attacked her when she had to do this. "I'm not running away." Haruka said quietly.

"Oh yes you are. You have been for nine years, ever since that man knocked you up and then left you!" Yuki responded. "I know you Haruka, you weren't ready. But you were adamant, and outside of marriage too..."

"We're you ready when you had me then?!" Haruka snapped back. Her sudden outburst seemed to shock her mother who took a step back. "How can you honestly know how I feel?"

"Haruka. No mother is ready for their first child. But don't abandon them." Yuki said in a slightly more soft tone. "Anko needs you, I only ask that you reconsider."

"It's too late for that mother. I transfer to the ship at ten o clock, San Francisco time."

"Mummy. Don't you love me anymore?" A small voice asked from the darkness. Haruka and Yuki both froze and slowly turned to face the corridor door. It was open and two figures stood there, a larger one which could only be Haruka's father Yazu. I'm front of him the silhouette of a young girl, no older than eight clutching a stuffed animal.

"Anko... shouldn't you be in bed?" Haruka asked trying to come across as maternal. But it didn't sound like it at all, just like some woman annoyed at a child not sleeping. Haruka didn't seem to possess a single maternal instinct in her. She looked away, this is what Starfleet has done to her. She looked down at Anko, she knew that she was her daughter, but truth be told she hardly knew her. Her favourite food, her favourite colour, what her friends are called, even what school she attends. Haruka knew none of this.

"I heard gran-mama shouting. And I can't sleep, you said you were going back to work at dinner. I thought you were going in the morning. You promised to take me to school..." Anko sniffled. She looked up at Haruka with big puppy dog eyes.

Haruka crouched down to Anko's level. "I thought I could. However I need to go now. My new Captain wants me aboard as soon as possible Anko. One day you'll understand."

Anko scrunched up her face. "Your Captain is a mean person!" She said her voice slightly more raised and frustrated.

"It's not like that. It's more complicated. You see Starfleet..."

"Starfleet this and Starfleet that. You always use that mummy! You're never here! I hate Starfleet and I hate you!" Anko cried as tears ran down her cheeks. She turned a d ran away, the slamming of a door echoed around the apartment. The emotional cries of a child muffled by the doors also plagued the silence if the apartment.

"She... hates... me?" Haruka asked standing as still as a statue. A silent tear running down her cheek. Yuki shool her head and wiped the tear from her daughters face.

"She doesn't. She's just upset. She's too young to understand. However she is right, you haven't been here for her much. Please, come home more often. You're missing out on seeing your daughter grow up." Yuki paused for a moment. "If you find your maternal side out there amongst the stars, you'll understand."

Haruka stood there stunned. The clocked chimed to indicate it was now 22:00. "Now go. But remember, you have commitments on this planet that are just as important as the ones up there." She pointed to the ceiling.

Without another word, Haruka picked up a small duffle bag by the door. She didn't even wave or look back as she left the apartment. She didn't have the heart to tell any of them that she wouldn't be back for five years, all they knew is that she was an Engineer on a Starfleet ship.

As she left the apartment building, she looked back and ip at the apartments windows. Her mother and father were watching her leave, she could see that her mother was crying into her fathers shoulder as he held her close.

"Am I running away?" She asked herself outloud as she turned away. "I'm sorry."

Posting by

Lieutenant Haruka Amami
Chief Engineer
USS Hecate

Yuki Amami
Earth Citizen

Yazu Amami
Earth Citizen

Anko Amami
Earth Citizen

 

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